Meaning, after almost eight years and a half, we are no longer toghether.
Meaning, after what seemed like a lifetime and also a blink of an eye, it's finally and initially and officially over.
We've had good times, we've had bad times, but mostly meh times.
I wish I could say that our relationship was dreamy, that it was mostly passion and desire, but it was all the way around.
Just when things had gotten better (at a very veeery slow pace, might I add), suddenly, you broke me... And the relationship broke... And I needed a break, I decided we should split apart...
I think I will post more of this un future posts, but i just wanted to leave this here written.
The split, the end, the change was decided almost two months ago now... And it seems like only yesterday.
We decided not to tell everyone about it, though we've told our share of people.
The reason for not telling is simple, we still live together. We've lived together for 4 months now, and it lasted even less that I expected, though your decisions ended the relationship even months before that, it was just that I hadn't been notified or had not realised it before.
It is hard to think we may have wasted too much time, that you wasted more of my time that I did yours, you needed me, or it could ve you needed more of me than needing myself.
I think I bore the pain as much as I could, as I can, but not sure if as much I should or will.
We live together, I don't know what will be of us once you leave, but in a way, I wish you would, I wish you had not done what you did, I wish I had not taken the wrong decision (to continue) bacl then...
Now I am left broken... Once more... Now I am left to myself but still with you, and not alone...
Will we get back together sometime? It is hard to know. I honestly don't want to, not yet. Specually since you've been yourself and thinking solely on yourself even now. Unfortunately, I cannot do anything but think of you and still want to help you, since you cannot even help yourself right now.
I need to think more of me and love me more and be more kind to myself, but that is a work in progress, slow, but one step at a time.
You were my second love, the love I thought would be the last, since I did not need anything else... Now I end up empty once more... At leaste now I can long to ve filled, though I am broken and anything that tries to fill me might leak...
One last thing, this is the reason for the previous post and might be the reason for some future ones. I beg for your forgiveness who ever might be reading this...
Now, no one's:
L.B.
